A user asked, Am I wrong for not wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day?
Backstory
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The Original Poster (OP) has two kids and always passively lets Mother’s Day happen without entirely “celebrating” it. OP’s son would make her a card or something, and OP would appreciate it and tell him how much she loves him and all that stuff.
OP’s husband will get OP a gift but say it’s from their son. OP would text her stepmom and mil and say Happy Mother’s Day. That’s it.
What Does OP Feel About Mother’s Day?
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OP hates Mother’s Day and has always been open and honest. When OP was 17, she watched her mom die on the bathroom floor from cancer, the worst thing that happened to her.
OP says, “I still miss her so much. So mothers Day makes me sad.”
What Did OP’s MIL Do?
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OP’s MIL recently moved from Florida, and she just bought OP’s 9-year-old son a new bed, which was very thoughtful and appreciated
What Did The Husband Say?
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OP’s husband brought up Mother’s Day a few days ago and hinted that OP should plan something for his mom to show appreciation for the bed. OP avoided his implication.
What Did The Husband Do?
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Then last night, he told OP not to make plans for Mother’s Day because they (OP, him, and the kids) are taking his mom to brunch and then going to a flea market. She said no. She doesn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is hard for her. She feels heaviness and sadness all day.
He said he has let their son “buy” gifts yearly (he usually buys OP charms for her Pandora bracelet or something else she likes), and OP was OK to celebrate then.
What Does OP Say?
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OP says, “..but now that it requires effort, I don’t want to. I said I appreciated the gifts, but if he didn’t want to, he didn’t have to do any of that, and I would be OK with it. I wish mothers Day didn’t exist, tbh. So am I in the wrong? Should I get up and go?”
What Do Others Have To Say?
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“I think you should clarify that he can take his mom and the kids out to celebrate but that you are choosing not to participate. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
You Are NOT Wrong
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“Exactly! I don’t understand why her responsibility is planning Mother’s Day for HIS mom. Isn’t it Mother’s Day for his wife, too? What the hell? How entitled is the husband? As if the gift for the son is only for the mom?
OP, you are NOT wrong. But your husband is. Sheesh.”
Mother’s Day is About The MOM and NOT the Kids
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“I think it’s a day that should be up to you how you celebrate or not celebrate… if hubby takes his mom and the kids to brunch, you can do some self-care and relax… I’m so sorry you had that traumatic experience of watching your mother pass, and that’s not something to be taken lightly.
One day when your kids are older, you could explain why it’s a hard day for you, but right now, just accepting the gift and telling them you love them is enough. I hope you don’t put yourself in a position where you feel trapped.
For everyone telling her to “do it for the kids,” MOTHERS DAY IS ABOUT MOMS, NOT KIDS… Moms get to decide what they want out of the day.”
Explain Your MIL
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“You’re not wrong. You don’t have to go; he can take the kids and his mother out to brunch by himself. I’d give MIL a heads up about why you won’t be there (if she’s reasonable and not a JNMIL) and tell them you hope they have fun.”14
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