Relationships can be complicated, and one such thing happened to her.
A Redditor took to the Am I The A… hole forum to ask, “Am I wrong for telling my husband my daughter doesn’t have to accommodate his needs?”
We want to know what you think. Here is the backstory:
The original poster’s (OP) daughter is in 2nd year of college, and although she lives in the dorm, she comes home during the final to study in peace.
OP’s husband, who is not her biological dad, has changed jobs and works from home full-time. The OP goes to the office daily, so they are both in the house alone.
The OP says, “They’ve always gotten along fairly well. There’s respect, understanding, and trust on each other’s part. I don’t know if there’s love, but I can’t push it. Husband met daughter too late to represent a father figure for her, and she never saw him like that, so he didn’t push it.”
Why Did The Daughter Start To Have A Problem?
OP’s daughter complained that the husband is asking her to do his work and disregarding the fact that she is studying.
“She would stay in her room to study, and at some point, her husband would knock saying, “Hey, I just had lunch. Could you please clean up the table? I’m starting a meeting.” Or “I spilled some water; mind wiping it? I gotta focus on work!” She told me she feels he doesn’t care about her learning time, and he doesn’t acknowledge that she is also working. She told me she wouldn’t have minded if it was a one-time occurrence, but it has become a habit of his.” said the OP.
What Happened When OP Confronted Him?
The OP asked the daughter to not clean up the next time he asked and caught him red-handed. When she came home to the dirty table and asked her husband about it, he said, “Well, [Daughter] should’ve cleaned it up!”
The daughter clarified that she didn’t even have lunch that day, and they don’t always eat at the same time. She didn’t have the time to clean up.
The OP jumped at the husband and told him the daughter had exams and came here to learn, not clean up after him. On this, the husband defended himself by saying he had an urgent meeting.
The OP told him he could have cleaned up afterward, and it’s a daily occurrence. OP’s husband signed and said it’s not a big deal for my daughter to spare a couple minutes to quickly put the dishes in the dishwasher.
The daughter asked that if he thought it could be done so quickly, why didn’t he do it?
The OP had to break the fight and decided that everyone would clean up after themselves. Later, OP’s husband told her privately that he felt like she humiliated him in front of her daughter.
OP responded, saying he should grow up and stop acting like the daughter will pick up after his mess. He got upset.
Was OP right to ask her daughter to not clean up after her dad? Was it appropriate for the OP to bring this up in front of the daughter? Is it justified that the husband got upset?
This originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio