Brother’s wedding is an important event but can there a reason big enough for you to miss it? An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to go to my brother’s ‘Overflow Wedding’?” . Here’s the full story for context.
Original Poster OP’s (23F) brother (30M) had been planning a wedding with his (26F) fiancee for a year. OP and her brother have never been close because of their age difference, but it’s not like they don’t get along.
The Original Wedding Venue
OP’s brother had been dating for a few years, and his fiancee wanted to have this giant wedding with all of their family and hers plus friends, plus ones, etc., but they really couldn’t afford it.
They finally agreed to have this wedding at a venue that is somewhat small and they can afford it, but it does not allow more than 100 people in it at a time.
The “Overflow Wedding”
OP guesses her brother’s fiance and her parents were mad about this because more than 100 people are just in her family/friend list needed to be invited and their plus ones.
They Made A Compromise
So they made a compromise where some guests would be a part of the 100, and the rest would be in the “overflow wedding,” so they would still be invited, but wouldn’t mess up this limit the venue has.
The guests in that overflow room would watch the ceremony on a live stream video projected into this movie theater nearby the venue that they would rent out.
“I guess renting out a room in a theater is cheaper? I don’t know”, says OP.
Where Was OP Invited?
OP’s brother’s fiancé’s list is the most important, so OP was invited to the overflow wedding!
OP Is Frustrated
OP was frustrated about this, and she asked her brother what this was about when they were at OP’s dad’s birthday party 2 weeks after she got the invite. He said it was fine because OP could go to the reception.
OP Is His Immediate Family
OP told him that it was the principal. OP is his immediate family so she should be able to go to the normal venue. OP’s brother told OP that he needs to make his fiancé’s family happy and that she should understand.
Then he said they’re not that close of family, anyway, and that his fiancé needs to be happy at her wedding.
OP’s Ordeal & What Happened Next
OP says, “So basically, I told him that I will not be attending the wedding and that I should get to go to the main ceremony. He got mad at me, and we were yelling and fighting.
Multiple people at the party yelled at me for making a scene and that it is “Her day” and that I should be grateful for even getting to go to the overflow wedding. So, Am I a jerk?”
That’s Nothing But A Shameless Gift Grab
“Not the jerk. If there are 100 people in their lives who are more important to them than you, then they won’t miss you at the wedding.
This whole overflow reception feels like a shameless gift grab. If you’re watching on a live stream from a completely different place, it’s not like it makes any difference to them whether you’re there or not.”
It’s “Their” Day, Not Just Hers
“First of all, it’s not just ‘her day’. The minimum the bride needs for a wedding is a groom (or another bride, if that’s the way she sails), which makes it ‘their day’.
Secondly, it’s just common sense to have a wedding you can afford. If you can only afford 100 people, trim the list.
And finally, an overflow wedding with only select guests being at the actual venue is an idea that would give Miss Manners the vapors. Unless you’re marrying the king of England, your marriage shouldn’t be televised.”
Your Brother Is Acting Crazy
“Your brother didn’t respect you enough to invite you (and from the sounds of it, the main wedding is probably 85% her family). It sounds like you are basically getting to watch a live stream.
You might as well do that from your house. You are an immediate family. I’d expect an invite to the real wedding too.”
That’s Brand New Information!
“Wow – overflow wedding. That is new to me. And how horrible! I’d refuse as well. And I wouldn’t send a gift because that is freaking rude.
He has to keep HER and HER family happy? What about his happiness and the happiness of his family? This doesn’t bode well for the long term.”
It’s All About Choices
“Not the jerk at all. They chose to semi-invite you and you chose to not attend. I really fear the life your brother is setting up for himself if the rest of their lives he has to make them happy.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.