We often take paid time off (PTO) for a variety of reasons. Sometimes our reasons are valid, but at other times they may seem silly.
A user asked the forum, and My boss always wants to know what we’re using our PTO for. What are some uncomfortable excuses? Here are the common responses.
MEETING
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“Meeting with a union organizer.”
CYST PAIN
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“I have an infected cyst near that makes it painful to sit & I am having a procedure done to drain the infection. A few more treatments, and hopefully, I’ll be able to sit for my full shift without worrying about soaking through the medical pad and staining my pants and chair with blood and pus.
And OMG, don’t get me started on how much pooping and wiping hurts.”
TAKING CARE OF SISTER
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“Helping your sister move because the apartment beside hers refuses to do anything about their bedbug problem. Go into itch-inducing detail.”
STRESS MANAGEMENT
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“In my last job, I told my boss I planned on going on a yoga retreat because I was so stressed out at work. He got approval from his boss to pay for my holidays… so I had to go to a yoga retreat.”
HELPING A FRIEND
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‘Oooh, go in for the “I’m helping my friend learn how to breastfeed and taking her to see the lactation consultant” and “she has a plugged duct.. it’s really painful” then start talking about her cracked and bleeding nipples and how her husband is no help around the house and that there’s a special place in hell for a husband that doesn’t do their fair share of dealing with the new baby.
Really lay it on, and when he says he’s heard enough, keep going. Making him say he’s had enough like 3 or 4 times so he knows you’re serious. And when you come back, tell him some gory made-up details, especially if he doesn’t ask how it was. Really get into it and make him tell you to stop at least three times.”
SICKNESS
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“I don’t feel comfortable discussing it.” should suffice. I rarely go beyond “sick” or “personal” when taking time off from any job. It’s simply none of their business.”
THERAPY
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“Therapy. Lady bits issues.”
GOING TO CHURCH
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“Telling him you will see Kenneth Copeland at the mega-church and then to a trump rally. He will probably give you extra PTO.”
COLONOSCOPY
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“Colonoscopy. You have to go under anesthesia, so this gets you out of a full day of work.”
HEMORRHOIDS
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“I’m having my hemorrhoids removed.”
MENSTRUATION
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“A clotting, heavy, menstrual cycle unable to withstand adult diapers, tampons, and pads combined, causing explosive diarrhea and water retention. And Pamprin relaxes the bottom half of your body a bit too well, so you lose bodily and leg function. It gets worse during allergy season when you sneeze.
Then ask if he’s single and wants to go out on a date sometime.”
STD RESULTS
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“My STD test results came in and my doctor said it will take most of the day to go over them all.”
HAVE TO PICK UP SOMEONE FROM PRISON
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“My grandpa is being released from prison.”
CHILD ADOPTION
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“Adopting a child. Then Returning an adopted child.
Repeat.”
PROCTOLOGIST
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“Proctologist appointment. Offer to bring back some selfies.”
CHECK-UP
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“Well, for me, as a cancer survivor, you could say that it is just a follow-up check regarding the status of any markers for your history of cancer.”
ATTENDING CLASS
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“I’ve been studying traditional herbalism and folk medicine at the Wiccan temple I attend, and I simply could not bear to miss this class on poisons and the history of abortion and midwifery.” He will think you’re a literal witch and leave you alone.”
GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT
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“Gynecology appointment. Bonus if you go into details about anatomy. Extra bonus if you cry a little.”
RACCOON ATTACK
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“I was attacked by a raccoon on my way to work this morning, and I have to go get checked for rabies.”
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