Am I a jerk for moving my son into a rental apartment after discovering his dad’s been canceling his job applications?
We were shocked to learn online about a father who deliberately canceled his son’s job applications to keep him at home and value family over career.
An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad’s been canceling his job applications? We want to hear your views on the matter.
OP’s son “Aiden” (23) moved back in with them upon graduating college, as OP’s husband wanted. Her husband’s original plan was to have Aiden live with them for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16).
What Did Aiden Do
Aiden started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job. OP’s husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance, but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home.
What Happened When Aiden Began Looking For Jobs?
So Aiden began looking for jobs here and there for over a year, but none of his job applications came through. He’d apply, and they never get back to him.
What Did They Find Out
They were confused by this until recently; OP found out that her husband was behind all the job applications being canceled. He’d wait till Aiden applies, then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email.
What Did OP Do
OP blew up at him for this but his justification is that he’s just trying to make sure that their younger son is cared for by Aiden and said that Aiden has been a big help and that getting a job will affect his care for his brother.
What Did OP Do Next?
OP went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there till he finds a job and starts paying for it himself. Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did.
What Did The Husband Do
OP’s husband was livid when he found out. He called her unhinged and said that OP was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family. He also said it was a huge decision for OP to rent an apartment without even running it with him.
OP says, “He’s been giving me hell about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and self-centered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did.”
Some Additional Info
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“(1) My husband says that since he and I have health issues then we could use Aiden’s help.
(2) When I suggested outside help, my husband refused, saying he won’t ask anything from anybody and that his son is his problem and nobody else’s.
(3) I used money from our joint account to pay for the rental apartment. My husband said it was wrong and that it was a major waste of money since we deal with medical bills consistently.”
Aiden Is Not Dobby, The House Elf!
“Not the jerk. Your husband is abusive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf.”
What The Hell!?
“Not the jerk but what the hell! Your husband is deranged and you should leave him. Your older son has a degree, wants to work and be independent and your husband is gaslighting him to try to keep him around to support his younger disabled brother? The emotional manipulation is strong with him and I’d be concerned about what he’s capable of.”
Your Husband Is Toxic
“Your husband is a huge jerk and absolutely toxic. He exploits Aiden as a caretaker and deliberately ruins his own future and opportunities.
The only one who is selfish and irresponsible is your husband, and clearly NOT Aiden.
Do whatever you need to do in order to protect your son and don‘t let your husband exploit and parent him further.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.