30 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Actually Toxic

Healthy relationships mean love, trust, and respect, bringing joy, not toxicity. Spotting a toxic relationship can be hard, especially for novices. Here are 30 signs of a toxic relationship:

1. Wanting For You To Be In Constant Touch

“My 57-year-old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife.” 

2. Your Partner Always Gets Their Way

"For me, bending over backward was "easier" than facing whining. But it made life hell in the long run."

3. Badmouthing You When You’re Not Around

“If one always talks bad about their partner, it often ends in disaster."

4. Constantly Fighting With You

“Lack of trust and constant fights.” “Constant heated verbal fights, using a language where there is a clear lack of genuine respect for one another”

5. Lack Of Respect

“I once read that contempt is the #1 sign of a relationship on its deathbed. When partners don’t respect each other, it sets the stage for every other bad thing.”

6. Not Able To Understand Your ViewPoint

“Inability to take a step back, listen and analyze the other person’s point and come to a conclusion during a conflict”

7. Blaming You

“No communication and everything is a blame game with no acceptance of responsibility”

8. Threatening To Break-Up

“Break up, make up, break up, makeup, rinse, and repeat.”

9. Doesn’t Let You Have A Life

“Someone who does not let you have a life outside of the relationship and gets upset when you see friends or do hobbies you like, even if you make time for them.”

10. Yelling At You

“Being yelled at/attacked for reacting to their abusive behavior.”

11. You’re Feeling Alone

“If you find yourself feeling alone in the relationship.”

12. You’re Burdened With Responsibility

“One person does all of the housework/cooking/chores/shopping/maintenance/childcare, yet the other person continues to complain that they don’t do it right.”

13. Gaslighting You

“Gaslighting. Or the idea that whatever you say can make them mad, so you start choosing every word way too carefully / end up not speaking your mind to avoid a fight”

14. You Feel Like Walking on Egg Shells

“Based on personal experience… when you have to walk on eggshells because you’re worried about how they might react”

15. Constantly Invalidating Or Confusing You

"I felt constantly invalidated in my relationship, always confused by my partner's anger and conclusions. Even my valid concerns were turned against me."

16. Accusing You Of Cheating

“Constantly being accused of cheating. I would bring up a guy friend or a coworker and all of a sudden he’d think I’m having something with them.”

17. Refusing To Apologise

“If someone refuses to apologize for any reason, ever. It means they put their pride before the person they are with and the relationship.”

18. You’re Constantly Adjusting

“If you constantly make compromises just to appease them and you are always the bad guy.”

19. Hold Grudges Against You

“They are extremely argumentative and also hold onto grudges easily and won’t let anything go without a fight.”

20. Lack of Empathy

“They lack empathy towards other people.”

21. They Refuse To Help You

"They'll refuse to assist, even in tough times, such as eviction. If they do help, they expect something back."

22. No Respect For Privacy

“They do not respect your privacy. They’ll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc.”

23. Giving You Silent Treatment

"They may give you the silent treatment, ignoring you for long spells. Then, as if nothing happened, they’ll start speaking to you again."

24. Putting Conditions On Their Love

“They put conditions on their love towards you and having a relationship with you. I.e., do X or do Y, and only then will they be willing to spend time with you, etc.”

25. Constant Mood Swings

"They're unpredictable with wild mood swings; fine one moment, angry the next. Even minor things can sour their mood instantly."

26. Double Standards

“Double standards or expecting your partner to do something for you that you’d never do for them”

27. Minimizing What You Feel

“Double standards or expecting your partner to do something for you that you’d never do for them”

28. Saying Stupid Stuff

When told their abusive behavior hurts you, a partner responds with 'I don't care, that's just the way I am.'

29. Keeping Scores

“Keeping score. “I did this last time.” Or “You never do that.” Leads to anger at the other person for no reason.”

30. Constantly Reminding Of Past Mistakes

“tit for tat – One partner constantly reminds the other of their past mistakes, using them as leverage to justify their own negative behaviors.”

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