OP Wants To Know
A Redditor asked, Am I wrong for telling my wife she will have to stay at a job or find alternative employment instead of me working away?
Here is the backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) has a wife and a child together. His wife is coming to the end of her maternity.
They had previously talked about OP working away so she wouldn’t need to work and put our son into childcare, as he has a decent earning potential. It involves working lots of hours with no security but high wages.
What Happened Next
They have discussed it several times, and each time OP has pushed more and more towards staying at home in secure employment, and she has agreed that this would be best as he will be around for my son’s childhood. The issue is, this isn’t enough to pay all our outgoings without the wife working.
What Did The Wife Do
Today, OP’s wife asked him if she doesn’t like going back to work, and what happens then. OP told her she would need to stick at it or find another job so he doesn’t need to work away whilst his son is growing up. She has taken issue with this as OP has always supported her in leaving previous employment if she has not enjoyed it.
The fact OP has taken him working away off the table seems to have upset her as she was banking on the fact if she didn’t like being back at work and away from the baby, she could fall back on him working away.
So OP is asking – Am I wrong for telling her she would need to work? This is what others have to say:
You Deserve Your Child Too
“Not wrong… You deserve to be present in the child’s life too. She probably has strong feelings, but sometimes we have to do things we don’t want. Maybe she can find a work-from-home position. Is there family available to help with the daycare? Maybe with that compromise, she could work part-time. Keep trying to offer other solutions that keep you present in both of their lives. Just don’t say it in a way that makes her feel less than.”
Marriages Are A Partnership
“Marriages are a partnership that requires compromise. No one gets everything they want all the time. She needs to see you as more than a paycheck to support her and your child. Time at home with your family is more important than money could ever be, and it’s not fair for one parent to demand they get all the time and the other to slave away for personal gratification. You are not wrong. You both need a source of income that allows flexibility to be present in your family, and she needs to see your value beyond providing money.”
Not The 1950s
“Unfortunately, we aren’t living in the 1950s anymore, most families have both parents working. If you are able to afford one of you to staying at home, it is a luxury. Having to go around and not being in a secure environment is no way to live, and your child needs a father.
You can’t support her decisions in the same way anymore because another human is coming into the world who will depend on both of you for security.”
Child Deserves A Father
“You’re not a jerk. Your child deserves a father. You deserve to be in your child’s life too. Sorry, but your wife is selfish if she believes her comfort is more important than that. Also, what kind of wife prefer that her husband works away not to have to find work herself? She is a huge jerk here.”
Did You Reverse Your Decision
“No, but you might be wrong unless you are backing out of an agreement made before the child was conceived. If she conceived a child with the shared understanding she would be a stay-at-home mom while you work away and then you reversed course, then that would be upsetting and potentially deceptive. Regardless it’s naturally understandable why you wouldn’t want to work away, and the expectation that you do is too much IMO.”
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