Relationships can be difficult, especially managing your in-laws when its your big day and you want things to be a certain way.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to dedicate half my wedding to my fiancé’s sister?”. We need to know your take on the matter.
Original Poster, OP (29F) got engaged to her boyfriend, Peter (30M) in early 2023 and their wedding is scheduled for early 2024.
Peter has a sister, Olivia, who’s 15 and was recently diagnosed with leukemia. She’s receiving chemotherapy and as far as OP knows, it’s not terminal.
Olivia’s Obsession With Getting Married
One of Olivia’s dreams in life is to get married. Since OP has known her, she’s talked about her future wedding and has planned every detail.
She’s Became Distraught
Since Olivia got diagnosed, she’s become distraught that she won’t be able to have her dream wedding because she might pass before that happens. Based on what OP knows about her diagnosis, she’ll likely survive and go on to live a full life, but it’s a definite possibility she could die.
What Happened A Few Days Ago?
OP and Peter are currently in the wedding planning stage, and this is also where OP thinks they might be jerks.
Peter’s parents approached them a few days ago and asked if they would be willing to dedicate some of their wedding time to Olivia since she might not get one of her own.
Olivia Wants To Wear A Wedding Dress
According to them, Olivia wants to wear a wedding dress, invite a lot of her friends, have a say in the food/cake/decorations, and have a first dance with her boyfriend.
They said it’s better to do all this at OP and Peter’s wedding because then the family can celebrate all together.
OP And Her Fiancé’s Reaction
OP and Peter were shocked that they would ask this since they thought their wedding would be about them.
OP says, “I know Olivia is struggling, and I feel utterly awful for her since no teenager should have their youth ruined by cancer, but I don’t see why we can’t have a separate party for Olivia instead of having to dedicate half our day to her.
Especially since she would likely get most of the attention due to her condition; additionally, it would cost a lot more money to have to pay for Olivia’s friends to attend the wedding (Peter’s parents only offered to pay for 75% of the additional cost) and Peter and I aren’t made of money.”
OP And Peter’s Decision
OP and Peter told Peter’s parents they would think about it. Still, after discussing it, they decided it would be better to say no because they’d prefer their day to be about them, but they’d be more than willing to pitch in funds and help plan a separate party for Olivia.
Parents Were Furious
But when OP and Peter informed Peter’s parents, they were furious. They said they couldn’t believe OP and Peter were prioritizing themselves over a child with cancer and that they were being selfish.
What Did Peter’s Parents Do Next?
Peter’s parents said this might be Olivia’s only chance for a wedding and how dare they deny her “dying wish.” OP said she didn’t understand why they couldn’t have a separate party, but Peter’s parents said they wanted it to feel “authentic” for Olivia, so it would be better to do it at an actual wedding.
When they started raising their voices, Peter and OP left. But since then, Peter’s family has been spamming them with messages about how terrible they’re being to Olivia and how they can’t believe OP and Peter are not being considerate of her wishes.
“Are we being unreasonable here?”, asks OP.
This Is Nothing But A Farce
“Not the jerk. Honestly, I find the whole thing kind of repulsive. A fake wedding for a maybe dying child is maudlin and in very poor taste.
Wearing a wedding dress is not a wedding. Cutting a cake is not a wedding. Having a first dance is not a wedding. A wedding is a sacred commitment, including God or not, between two people who want to spend their lives together. This is nothing but a farce.
Tell her the truth. She will live, she will be fine, she will go out with a million frogs way before she ever finds her prince, and when she’s ready she will have her wedding.”
That’s Not Even Remotely Okay
“This is such a weird take for your in-laws to have that I can only imagine it’s the emotional panic of the idea their daughter could die that has them thinking this is even remotely okay.
It’s your wedding. It’s supposed to be about you. I wonder if they are worried that Olivia going to your wedding is going to make her depressed and this is their weird way of offsetting that.
It would make way more sense for them to do all these wedding-type things for Olivia’s sweet sixteen (obviously I have no idea how close that date is and I mean cancer can upend the best of plans at any time).”
Your Reaction Is Completely Reasonable
“Looking at this in the best light for them, they’re in a state of anticipatory grief and are fixated on something they can do or for something else to be angry at.
As blunt as it sounds: Your wedding isn’t a suitable place for a make-a-wish style deal and it’s completely reasonable to say no.”
A Fake Wedding Is Inappropriate
“This is nuts. She can have a party, but a fake wedding is inappropriate and frankly ridiculous.
Also what about her boyfriend!!!. I have a 15-year-old son, and the thought of him being guilted/emotionally bullied into being some kind of “groom” to placate a sick girl makes me want to grab him and run for the hills. And don’t say they would just be two kids messing about, she’s wearing a wedding dress!”
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
He Took Care of His Daughter For Two Weeks While Wife Was Away. Says, “For all the work that I did, the one tiny mistake I made, and she slammed for after 2 weeks.” Is He Right? Read more to know what happened.
He REFUSED To Let The Passenger In Front of Him To Recline Her Seat on a Flight. She Calls Him A Jerk. Is This Justified?
He refused to let the passenger in front of him recline the seat. She gets irritated, but we think she is the one who is wrong. You decide. Read here.
She REFUSED To Pay Her Friend $7000 For Her Share of Trip To Italy. We Think She Did Right.
She REFUSED To Pay Her Friend $7000 For Her Share of Trip To Italy. We Think She Did Right. Read here
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance & 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance & 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right. Read more.
He Took His friend’s Wallet By Mistake, and REFUSED To Return It When Asked. Thinks His Friend Is A Jerk, Not Him. Did He Go Too Far?
He Took His Friends Wallet By Mistake, and REFUSED To Return It When Asked. Thinks His Friend Is A Jerk, Not Him. Did He Go Too Far? Read here.
This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.