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Father Calls Son Spoiled for Wanting a $10,000+ Wedding. Says, “Order Pizzas or Sub Sandwiches”. Is This Fair?

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my son he and his fiancée are spoiled?”. Read till the end to know the entire story.

BACKSTORY

I'm tired of listening to you. Family conflict between father and daughter. daughter sits right in front of the camera and looks displeased.

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The original poster’s (OP) (M57) son (M23) is engaged to Peggy (F22). They have been engaged for five months or so. OP says that their culture dictates that he and Peggy’s father share the costs for their wedding.

Peggy’s said they should provide $10k each, a total $20k budget.

WHAT DID OP SAY?

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OP says that he can afford this but this seems insane and extravagant to him. He said that he would give $5k and her dad could give whatever he wanted. Peggy’s father also put up 5k.

WHAT DID OP’S SON DO?

Brothers having an arguement with angry looks

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OP told this to his son. His son in return told him outright that it wasn’t going to be enough for the wedding. OP’s son said that he doesn’t mind and also added that he figured that he and Peggy would have to pay for some of the wedding.

OP asked him to clarify what he meant. His son said no way they would be able to do their wedding for under $10k.

WHAT IS OP’S REPLY?

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OP said that his own wedding, after haggling and deals, only came out to around $7k, so he does not think this is an issue.

WHAT DID HIS SON DO?

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His son argued against him and said that his wedding was 40 years ago and prices were different. He also outlined some prices and said the cheapest venue he could find was $5k, and food alone was going to be $2,5k.

His son again said he didn’t mind, and he thanked him for giving them money for the wedding, but OP honestly felt hurt that his son thought we were not giving enough.

OP’S QUESTION

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OP asked how food could come out to 2500 dollars, and his son said that that was only around $25 per person.

WHAT DID OP SUGGEST?

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OP suggested ordering pizzas or sub sandwiches, but his son looked at me like he was crazy. He said that they could just offer less for the photographer and decorator, and his son said that isn’t how things are done.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

money wow man

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OP said it is how things are done, and maybe if Peggy and his son weren’t so spoiled and expecting the best of the best for everything, then $10k would be plenty.

HIS SON THANKED HIM

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After OP said that, his son just closed his eyes and thanked him for the money, and basically told him to get out.

HIS WIFE’S RESPONSE

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OP complained about this instance to his wife, and she told him that he was a stick in the mud and it was his only wedding.

But OP’s friends agree with him, though. OP asks if he is a jerk.

IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS

Young man having panic attack on blue background, closeup

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“Yes, You are a jerk. He thanked you for the money and is planning on paying for the rest. How they spend their money isn’t your business. Can you seriously not envision that prices have increased over several decades?”

YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO BERATE HIM

Young man with a problem crying

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“You are a jerk. $7,000 in 1983 is about $24.5k now, so by your logic, you should be giving him $12k, not $5k or $10k.

Obviously, you aren’t obligated to give him any money, but he kindly accepted the $5k you offered, and you had no place to then berate him about how he was overspending and you have no reason to feel hurt over this.”

YOU MUST APOLOGIZE

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“You are a jerk. An average wedding these days is about $25k, depending on where you live. Your son and future DIL aren’t spoiled; they handled this gracefully by making it clear they don’t mind paying for some of the wedding themselves and thanking you multiple times for contributing. You calling them spoiled was out of line, and you should apologize.”

YOU SHOULDN’T GET MAD

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“You are a jerk.

First, give whatever you want, but then don’t get mad when your son tells you that he is going to then spend HIS OWN money for other parts of the wedding.

You don’t get to decide how much their wedding should cost; you only get to decide how much you want to contribute.

Second, did you serve pizza and subs at your wedding?

If the cultural aspect of paying is so important to you, what are the other cultural traditions of this wedding, and would your family and friends be good with pizza when you got married?

By the way, I’m down with pizza for a wedding, but your being very invested in one part of the cultural tradition of a wedding while thinking going cheap on other major parts is..interesting.

Third, no, you don’t get to just pay vendors less.

And finally, do you really not realize that stuff cost more than 20 years ago? Your wedding cost $7k, and let’s say it was 24 years ago (your son is 23, so I’m going with you had your son after you were married).

Just by using the general US inflation calculator, $7k in the year 1999 would cost $13k in the current year. And that’s inflation, not buying power.

If you go by buying power, it is easily over $20k to get the same thing you got for $7k decades ago. That’s such basic comprehension that things cost more than 24 years ago; I can’t believe you can’t apply common sense to this conversation.”

YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY

An angry man isolated

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“You are a jerk. And so wildly out of touch. You evidently have no idea how things work now. It’s the mentality of my grandparents, which is understandable as they are in their 90’s. You really have no excuse. Was your wedding also a pizza party?”

DO YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK?

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“You are a jerk. Your son was incredibly gracious, but you had to keep pushing; he even thanked you. Do you pay the same price for gas, food, clothes, etc, as 40 years ago? Do you live under a rock?”

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