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Father Introduces Stepfather As A “Nanny” To The Family. Latter Shirks It Off, Says, “I’m Actually The Stepfather” Causing Family Drama. Was He Right?

Relationships are intricately complicated. As opposed to what most people usually think, they’re governed by love more dominantly than blood!

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for correcting my step-daughter’s dad when he called me her nanny?”. We’re all ears for your take on the matter!


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The Original Poster (OP) has been with his wife for 8 years now. She has primary custody of her daughter, Santana (9). Santana sees her dad, Mark every other weekend and some holidays.

OP’s Relationship With His Stepdaughter

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As OP has been one of Santana’s primary caretakers for the past 7 years (since OP moved in with her mom), he’s taken care of her more than Mark has and they are quite close.

OP and his wife went on to have 2 children together, who are now 5 years and 18 months. OP has been a stay-at-home dad since the 5-year-old was born.

As a result, he’s the one making lunches, driving kids to activities, etc. That also includes Santana.

Mark’s Insecurity And OP’s Position In Santana’s Life

Brothers fight

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Mark has always felt insecure about OP’s place in Santana’s life. OP has always encouraged her relationship with her dad, while also being a place she can go to in order to vent about both her parents.

OP has never asked her to call him dad, but he’s made it clear he loves her the same as her siblings and she’s also said she loves OP and considers him her second dad.

Mark’s Behavior With OP In The Past

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Mark also mocks OP for his SAHD role. OP’s wife always shuts him down and OP just ignores him. He has in the past jokingly called OP Santana’s nanny and OP just rolled his eyes and said “Whatever you think, Mark”.

OP really doesn’t see him much as his wife will take Santana to her dad’s and pick her up.

What Happened Yesterday

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However, yesterday, OP’s wife was sick and asked him to pick up Santana. She really couldn’t get out of bed and OP knew Mark wasn’t going to drive out to them (he’s refused in the past). So, OP went over to his place to pick her up.

The Climax

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Mark was throwing a BBQ and had some family there. OP had never met any of them. Santana ran into OP’s arms, excited to see him, and shouting his name.

A few people looked at Mark curiously. He laughed and said, “That’s Santana’s nanny”. OP shook his head and said “I’m her step-father, Greg. Nice to meet you all.”

Mark turned red and barely said goodbye to Santana. OP didn’t think much of it outside Mark just being Mark.

The Final Fuss

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However, Mark texted OP’s wife later saying OP “humiliated him” and given he’d likely never see those people again, he shouldn’t have said anything.

“My wife told him he was overreacting and he then texted me saying I had no right to correct him in his own home. He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I’m her nanny. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.

Mark Is Just Insecure

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“Not the jerk. But man, Mark must be feeling really insecure about himself that’s for sure.

You’re doing great Greg. Santana is lucky to have you.”

Make Sure Santana Knows What’s Going On

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“Not the jerk – If Santana witnessed this, you should tell her that you love her and you love your role as her stepfather. Let her know that Mark’s comments about you being the ‘nanny’ upset you because you are a much more important person in her life than a nanny would be.

Make sure Santana knows that you care about her and that her father’s comments are hurtful for that reason.”

You Handled It Perfectly

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“Not the jerk. In his attempt to humiliate you, he humiliated himself. They call this ‘just deserts’.

Clearly, he’s a deeply insecure person who is likely jealous of your involvement with Santana.

You handled it perfectly, calling him out factually in front of everyone. My guess is he will now stop calling you names…unless of course, he wants you to teach him another lesson.”

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