Alcoholism can be a devastating disease, and quitting can be a long and difficult process. It is important to have the support of loved ones during recovery, but how much would you be willing to change to help someone else stay sober?
We encountered one such incident where a husband asks if he is a jerk for not wanting his house to be alcohol-free.
Backstory
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The Original Poster’s (OP) wife is a recovering alcoholic and has recently started trying to sober up again, which OP is all for, and has been trying to be as supportive as possible.
What Is The Problem
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The only thing that OP has an issue with, is that, as part of her sobriety, she doesn’t want any alcohol in the house.
She brought it up with OP, and he told her that as much as he wants the best for her, he doesn’t think it’s fair for him not to be able to drink just because she can’t.
What Did She Say
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She then told OP that it was irresponsible of him to drink in front of their two young children. OP says, “This is quite hypocritical considering she had no problem doing it when she wanted to, and I never criticized her for it.”
What Does OP Say
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OP says, “I understand that seeing other people drink could tempt her to, but it’s up to her whether she does that or not, and I’m not the one to blame if it happens.
I just think it’s not right for me to be pretty much sober just because she is. Am I in the wrong here?”
She Is YOUR Wife
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“You’re wrong. Recovering alcoholic here.
If this was a roommate, I’d probably feel differently, but this is your wife. Quitting drinking is pretty tricky, extremely difficult for some. She’s asking for support in her own home from her spouse.
Was she different in her drinking in front of the kids before? Obviously, she’s an alcoholic. Now recovering. I did things I’d never do when I was drinking now that I’m sober.
It won’t hurt you to live in an alcohol-free home. It WILL be a problem for her to have alcohol in the home. You can go anywhere to drink. The one place she has as a safe refuge is home.
If you value her and your relationship, try being supportive. Supportive family and friends are essential in addiction recovery. I’ve been sober 31 years next month, believe me…I know what it takes.
Also, you won’t have to “suffer” forever. My wife keeps some alcohol at home, doesn’t affect me a bit. But when I was first getting sober, it was an entirely different story.”
You Aren’t Supporting Her
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‘My partner is a social drinker. When I got really bad towards the end, he stopped drinking altogether. If I had whisky, he wouldn’t drink any with me.
Now that I’m sober, he will not drink around me. At all. Whether we’re in the house or not. He had two beers at his daughter’s wedding, which I could not attend, and other than that, he has not touched alcohol since I got sober.
For the Super Bowl (football is big with us,) I told him he could have some beer and that it wouldn’t bother me. He refused because he WILL NOT DRINK IN FRONT OF ME – ESPECIALLY IN OUR HOME.
That’s what support looks like. Alcoholism is a progressive illness that is potentially FATAL! OP playing with his wife’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being is messed up. He’s playing with his wife’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being. He’s saying he doesn’t care if her life is destroyed. Or ended.”
What An Awful Partnership
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‘You are wrong. She’s asking you for help, and you’re more worried about yourself. What an awful partnership.”
You Underestimate How Difficult It is
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“You are a jerk.
People underestimate how difficult it is to get over an alcohol addiction. My brother has been clean for nine months, and that involved three rehab stints in 6 months and essentially being forced into a sober living environment.
If you can’t support your wife in trying to beat an addiction she is actively fighting, you’re an absolutely terrible partner. It’s such a minor inconvenience.
And if it is that much of an inconvenience, you should question whether you’re an alcoholic as well. By the sounds of it, you may be.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.