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Boyfriend Asks Girlfriend To Chill as He Jokes About “Raping” In Front of Friends. Says “It’s NOT A Big Deal”. Is It Not?

Hypothetical questions can be fun and thought-provoking, but they can also be a source of conflict in relationships. When a girlfriend gets angry over her boyfriend’s hypothetical questions, it may indicate underlying trust issues, jealousy, or insecurity. It’s essential to communicate with each other about what these questions mean and why they are upsetting.

A user asked the forum, Am I a jerk for being upset at my boyfriend over his gross answer to a hypothetical question?

BACK STORY

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The original poster (OP) has been dating her boyfriend for about one year. The previous day, a mutual friend, Dan, invited OP, her boyfriend, and a few other people to his place.

WHAT DID THE FRIEND ASK

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So while they were there, at some point, Dan asked them a silly hypothetical question, “What would you do if you could freeze time for an hour?” 

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? 

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Most of them said things as they would sleep, would wander around, would steal money, etc.

But OP’s boyfriend gave Dan a knowing look and said that he knew what he would do, clearly implying that he’d do something with her. Dan laughed awkwardly, nobody else said anything, and they changed the subject.

When they left, OP asked her boyfriend what he meant when he said that, but he tried to avoid answering.

IT WAS JUST A JOKE 

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OP asked him if he meant that he would sleep with the frozen woman. He said that’s what he meant but told her it was just a joke.

OP told him he was saying he would make such a mess if he could and that rape isn’t a joke. He insisted that he didn’t mean it and that it was a common joke that guys say when asked such questions. 

WHAT DID SHE SAY

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She was disgusted and snapped at him, asking how he could think that rape was OK. OP says that he didn’t understand why she reacted like that and said that it’s no big deal, everyone says it, and they all know it’s a joke.

OP WENT TO HER SISTER’S PLACE 

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But OP was so appalled by his reaction that she came over to her sister’s place, stayed there overnight, and refused to communicate with him.

WHAT DOES OP SAY

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OP says that he has sent her a couple of messages saying that she should stop behaving like a child and come back. 

She asked him if he was willing to apologize for his gross jokes, and he replied that he’d got nothing to apologize for and that OP should apologize for making such a big deal out of a joke.

She wants to know if she is being a jerk.

HE MUST HAVE AVOIDED IT

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“You gave him an opportunity. All he had to do was say, “You’re right; rape isn’t funny.” He couldn’t do it.”

IT IS A RED FLAG BEHAVIOUR 

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“I have been downvoted to hell for saying this before, but I will say it again because I believe it’s good advice. A therapist told me that the first time a partner (she said man, but I don’t discriminate, and neither does abuse) jokes about any kind of abuse, you should leave because they are telling you who they are.

At best, they think that kind of thing is funny. At worst, they will do what they are joking about. You sure as hell wouldn’t want to be with someone who would abuse you, and would you really want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to joke about it?”

HE IS GASLIGHTING YOU

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“The fact he wouldn’t even fully say his answer when the guy asked, only insinuated what he’d do, shows he knows it’s not ok. He just doesn’t like being called out for it and is trying to gaslight you. I’d dump him.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.