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Bridesmaid Snaps As Bride Asks Her To Change Her Dress Or Leave The Wedding. Says, “You’re a Horrible Inconsiderate Friend”. Is She A Jerk?

What would you do if your bridesmaid shows up in a dress that doesn’t comply with your wedding theme after being clearly told not to do so? An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for kicking out one of my bridesmaids for showing up in the wrong dress?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


makeup wedding

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The Original Poster’s, OP’s (23F) wedding was back on Saturday, December 31st and she’s still getting backlash from this, so she wants to know if this was a jerk move.

OP lives in the country where it’s currently winter, and they get a fair amount of snow so her wedding was winter-themed. The color theme was forest green and gold. “My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids’ dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH’s dress was black, and everyone was supposed to wear gold accessories.”, says OP.

When They Went Dress Shopping

people, holidays, tourism, travel and sale concept - young happy woman with shopping bags over london city street background

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OP has this friend, we’ll call her Kat, whom OP asked to be one of her bridesmaids. When they went dress shopping and OP told them the color theme she was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice.

Kat Expressed Her Disappointment

unsatisfied woman shows thumbs down and looking at camera. portrait of emotional cute, beautiful woman with makeup and long hair in pink dress, studio shot isolated on light brown or beige background

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Kat said she thinks it’s not a flattering color, and thought OP should choose something different and more “girly”. OP said no because her wedding was winter-themed and she thought the color would go perfectly with the theme. Kat suggested pink, blue, and even red. OP said, “No, but thanks for your opinion”.

Kat found out OP’s MOH’s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too. OP said no, only her MOH is wearing black. OP paid for all the dresses.

Fast Forward To Wedding Day

Photographer working with young wedding couple in studio

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Fast forward to wedding day, everyone’s getting their hair and makeup done and Kat shows up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside. OP asked her what this was for.

She told OP it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. OP was like “OK, cool”.

Thirty Minutes Before The Ceremony Begins


Image Credits: Ljupco Smokovski, Shutterstock

So, fast forward, they’re all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning in 30 minutes and they were going to take some pictures before.

“Kat is the last person to come down and she’s wearing a BLACK DRESS. At the time I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation.”, says OP.

OP Finally Confronted Kat

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OP confronted Kat and asked her what was going on. She said she hates her bridesmaid dress, as the color is ugly and makes her look gross so she’s wearing black. OP told her please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from OP.

OP said she’s going to ask her one more time, and if she (Kat) doesn’t oblige OP is calling security and kicking her out. She began yelling at OP to screw off, so OP called security and asked them to please escort her out.

“She started making a BIG scene yelling how I’m such a jerk, that I can’t force her to wear anything and that I’m a horrible inconsiderate friend. The wedding went on and it was truly amazing.”, says OP.

What Next

An annoyed and frustrated woman on the phone

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Ever since the wedding Kat has been blowing up OP’s phone with texts saying some really nasty things and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste and she didn’t get to wear it. OP had to block her number.

“Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me trash saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that and that maybe I should give her the money back. Am I a jerk for kicking her out?”, asks OP.

She Embarrassed Herself

Ashamed young woman hiding mouth with her hand

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“Not the jerk. She embarrassed herself. She agreed to wear the dress you picked out, and then deceitfully planned to change at the last moment in the hope that you’d just let her get away with it. She knew that you would tell her no.

Think of being in a wedding as like playing a part in a play, or a ballet, or something. You get cast as ‘bridesmaid’, so you wear the costume that the artistic director has picked out for bridesmaids to wear. If you don’t want to wear the costume, don’t be in the show.

But you can’t just show up on opening night and say ‘I didn’t like your costume choices, so I’m going to wear the same costume as this other character instead’.”

You Don’t Owe Her Anything

pretty blonde woman shrugging with a dumb, crazy, confused, puzzled expression, feeling annoyed and clueless.

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“Not the jerk. If you’re going to be a bridesmaid, you have to be prepared to do what the bride wants. Kat should have declined and just gone as a guest and no, you don’t owe her anything. If anything, she owes you for the green dress that you bought that she refused to wear.”

That Was Deliberate And Manipulative

Photo of young girl angry mad aggressive displeased look empty space isolated over yellow color background.

Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

“Not the jerk. Your ‘friend’ clearly tried to wait until the very last moment to put on the other dress in the hopes you wouldn’t make a scene and she could have her way.

It’s a wedding, it’s about the people getting married, your own taste doesn’t matter, especially given the bride paid for the dresses, something not all brides are kind enough to do. Trying to wait until the last moment to manipulate the bride is a massive jerk move.”

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