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15 Less Obvious Signs That He’s Not the Right One for You

Men’s shared experiences and perspectives give them a more nuanced understanding of other men’s behavior.

A user asked the forum, Men of the forum, what are some less obvious red flags about men you would want to caution women against? Here are the common responses. 

LOOK HOW HE TREATS OTHERS

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“Don’t ever be fooled by how a man treats you. Look at how he treats unattractive women and other men.”

BRAGGING ABOUT HIMSELF

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“If he mentions that he’s a nice guy every few sentences, stay away from him.”

BLAMING HIS EXes 

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“So, about his last three relationships and why they ended. If it is always the girl was crazy – it’s him; he’s crazy.”

NOT PUTTING EFFORTS

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“I’m coming in late, but this is something I’ve tried to teach all my daughters. Men will show you how they feel about their actions. If they say they care, but don’t put in the effort, listen to the actions. Not the words. Good advice for dating but also good advice for life, really.”

FLIRTING

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“Many, many men only know how to “relationship flirt”. They will say things like “I’m looking for something long term” when really they just want to hook up.”

ALWAYS IN THE FIGHT MOOD

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“friend of mine dated a guy who apparently everyone wanted to fight.

At the gym. “This guy over here wants to throw down.”

At a mall. “Those guys look like they want to get hit.”

At the grocery store. “This dude is looking at me like he wants to go outside.”

No Steve. No one feels like fighting you. You are just on steroids.”

HE IS USING YOU AS AN ESCAPE FROM HIS PROBLEM

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“As someone who is VERY guilty of this: focusing a ton on you and your needs, but hardly paying attention to their own. Someone like this can come across as sweet, selfless, and caring, but they’re actually avoiding their own problems to focus on yours.

You’re not a partner to them, you’re a distraction, and even they themselves may not realize it.”

NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

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“Any aversion to taking responsibility.

The older I get, the more I find that the men I respect most aren’t the ones with great achievements to their names, but rather the ones who aren’t afraid to own their life.”

BLAMING OTHERS

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“If anything happens to him and he always shifts blame to someone else, or something else, or the situation, that is a big red flag. Sooner or later, everything will be your fault.

Also, if their story, complaint, rant, or explanation sounds too one-sided (again unable to take the blame themselves), they are lacking empathy. red flag.”

HE CAN’T TAKE THE JOKES

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“Don’t trust a man who can joke about others but can’t take it.”

FOCUSING ON ONLY WHAT HE NEEDS

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“When you have to cater to his needs/wants over your own with no compromise. It can be something as only watching shows that he wants or doing things only he wants to do or ordering takeout that only he likes.”

NO MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION

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“As a father, things I’ve tried to teach my daughter to be aware of are subtle manipulations. In a healthy relationship, there is no “let,” as in, letting you do stuff or asking for permission. Watch for subtle controlling, passive-aggressive comments or remarks. If he attempts to drive a wedge between you and your friends or family, move on. Watch and listen to how he treats other people. If you don’t have self-respect, he won’t treat you with respect. If he doesn’t call for days and then acts like it’s no big deal, move on. If he’s clingy, definitely move on. Having a victim mentality attracts predatory, abusive behavior. If anyone treats you less than how you feel you deserve, it is imperative you deal with it early and quickly. If there’s no meaningful communication or compromise, don’t waste your time. Life is too short to deal with a possessive, jealous, controlling, manipulative, emotionally stunted, or wrecked man. You can’t fix people. Protect yourself and move on with your life without that person, and don’t look back. It’s ok. Breakups are tough when you’ve invested your time and heart, but you’ll be better off alone than with someone like that. If he scares you, come to your dad’s house. If he’s smart, he won’t follow you here.”

THROWING TANTRUMS

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“If he starts throwing tantrums over petty things, there is worse on the horizon. He’s not passionate, and he’s unstable.”

VERBAL ATTACK

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“If they verbally attack you in an argument rather than discuss the issue.

If they constantly talk bad about other guys.”

ACTING LIKE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING

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“If they behave like they know everything. Change is certainly not their cup of tea.”

BLAMING THEIR CHILDHOOD

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“Blaming their childhood on treating you and others like rubbish.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.